Childfree
As a mother of two, I want to stand up for all my fellow women out there who don’t want to have children. Motherhood is a very personal experience and each woman navigates through it the best way she can. Still, there is a group of women who don't want to have this experience at all, and because of this decision, they are in the hot seat.
The arguments against these women are diverse and go from some accusations like they are selfish or immature, to some “good-hearted” ones like: they are missing the most important experience in a woman's life or there’s no such love as the one between a mother and her children. Personally, I don’t see motherhood as such a spiritual thing. It will surely bring you to places you never thought about -above all in terms of patience. But to be honest, when you hold a small human in your arms that needs you for survival, you don’t have the time to think about personal growth. It’s a strong experience that will shape you differently as other extreme or touching events in life can do.
It is true that you cannot compare the feelings you have for your kids or the love they give you to anything else. But, does it mean it surpasses other emotional experiences? it will depend on your priorities and likings. How do you explain the anticipation of the first date? How do you describe the unbounded happiness when you are in tears of laughter with your BFF? If you are a culture vulture, how can you put into words the emotion when seeing a Picasso for the first time? If you are a superjock, what is comparable to your heart pounding when you reach your goal? These are also unexplainable experiences that can make a woman thrive and feel fulfilled without a single nappy or bottle in sight.
As Shakespeare would say “comparisons are odorous”, but why does no one scream blue murder when a man decides not to have children? What if we claim he is denying the use of his sperm for its real biological purpose? Men are allowed to have other aspirations in life without having to handle a public debate about such a personal decision. However, women are scathed if they do not accomplish their assigned mission of conceiving. Earth is overpopulated, so it’s nothing to do with the continuity of the human species, and it doesn’t have any influence on your own decision to have or not offspring. So, why is it such a big deal that a group of women willingly decide to live their lives differently?
Maybe the discussion resumes again to some ingrained ideas: the anger against women's rights to choose what they want for their bodies. Incredulously, women's bodily autonomy is still something we need to fight for. It’s extremely outrageous how others feel entitled to decide and even give their opinion about other's bodies and life choices. Equality and freedom for women are not something that we can take for granted, and the hatred against childfree women is another example.
Having a child is the ultimate, most explosive act of love. But one thing at least is clear to me, if it’s not wanted, it can blow up your life. Customarily used to defend freedom of speech, let’s extrapolate this quote to the right to defend each one’s will: “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it” by Beatrice Evelyn Hall. Yes, it wasn’t Voltaire who said it but a woman.
Want more? dive into "The Mother Knot" by Jane Lazarre. You can read here this 1976 article from The New York Times, written when the book was first published.
